Tiffany Haddish has settled for a weighted blanket instead of dating men. The comedian recently paid a visit to The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, where she revealed to Colbert that she isn’t dating anyone at the moment, but in the meantime she’s found a great place holder to replace a man.
“I haven’t been dating,” she told Colbert. “My personal relationships haven’t been that good, but I have been keeping up with my weighted blanket and my toys that I get off Groupon and batteries—batteries are a girl’s best friend.”
Then she went onto explain how she uses the blanket, and how in some instances it’s better than being with a real man. “A weighted blanket is filled with sand…it’s like 25 pounds and you can throw that over your legs and you spray a little cologne over it and throw it over your arms and it feels like a man is holding you,” she explained. “Then you go to sleep and you don’t have to make him breakfast or talk to the weighted blanket or nothing.”
But besides discussing her dating life, Haddish also gave Colbert some advice on how to take care of and accessorize his beard. “I like this beard you got going on,” Haddish told Colbert. “We need to put you on Facebook on this thing called Beard Gang. Beard Gang, yeah. It’s a bunch of sexy men in beards and sweatpants. See, sweatpants are men lingerie, basically.”
“You should condition it,” she continued after she touched his beard. “Put some coconut oil in it before you go to bed at night. It’ll soften it up… it’s beard etiquette.”
In addition to beards and dating, the two discussed Tiffany’s upcoming film with Kevin Heart, Night School, which debuts next Friday (Sept. 28). Watch the full interview below.